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Fiction Friday #168
This week’s Fiction Friday prompt:
The conversation took off when Louise mentioned Bruce Willis.
I decided to go short and sweet again and continue playing around with dialogue. Enjoy!
“I don’t know, man. The conversation really took off when Louise mentioned Bruce Willis.”
Peering over the spectacles on the tip of his nose with raised eyebrows, the man sitting on the other side of the table with the handlebar mustache replied “what do you mean?”
—–
“Know what I want? I want a man that looks like Bruce Willis. Why can’t you look like Bruce Willis?”
“Honey, I …”
“Don’t honey me, you Danny DeVito lookin’ son of a bitch!”
Defeated, Andrew replied (and quite cautiously) “Louise, put down the bottle.”
“Louise, put down the bottle! Louise, put down the bottle! Why don’t you come over here and take it out of my hand? Or are ya’ too pussy?”
Andrew glared at his wife of seven years from across the kitchen.
“Wussy, wussy, Andrew pussy!” she exclaimed and shook the bottle in his direction, as if to taunt him. “Ya’ know, Bruce Willis – he ain’t a pussy, you know – he’d come over here and take it out of my hand … like a real man … Bruce! What are you, Drew, a fag? Faggot Drew. Little pussy faggot Drew.”
Andrew had had enough. He had lived through this torture one too many times and he remembered the promise he had made to his long time friend Melissa to leave the next time Louise’s drinking got out of hand. “If you love Bruce Willis so much, why don’t you go to Hollywood and FUCK HIM?”
—–
“I see. Your move, by the way.”
Andrew, moving his queen two spaces to the right, replied “yeah, so that’s the story. I left her. Sorry to bore you. Checkmate.”
“Asshole. You never let me win” the man with the handlebar mustache said. “Gonna miss her?”
“Nah.”
The two men packed up their game pieces and arose from the concrete table with the chess board painted on it and shook hands.
“Next week?”
“Next week, dad.”
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Filed under: Fiction Friday
I like that line: Don’t honey me, you Danny DeVito lookin’ son of a bitch!” Talk about a contrast between him and Bruce Willis.
Terry Haferkamp´s last [type] ..-
Very funny. Lots of colorful language too. Thanks for entertaining me.
Nicely done, I really enjoyed the dialogue and the story!
I like how you gave out a little at a time and in such a short time gave a good, complete story. Without a lot of description I still had a very good picture of both scenes in my head. Great job!
You packed a lot of history in a short piece. I can get a feel for Andrew’s marriage relationship and his relationships outside of the marriage. It makes me want to know more about this story–both before and after.
And I, too, loved the Danny DeVito line.
Your Louise is one feisty lady! I echo Shelli when I say I loved the fierceness contrasted with the gentleness of this piece … a bit like a Nirvana track in prose.
Jason Coggins´s last [type] ..Flash Fiction meets Moult World 2- Matinee
Ouch. That was quite a conversation. I like the contrast between an easy game of chess with his dad and the big blow up with his wife. Nicely done.
Shelli´s last [type] ..Best of Bruce
This is great, I love that you didn’t have to go into too much detail because it was all described in the dialogue.
NewToWritingGirl´s last [type] ..Fiction Friday 168 – Dan at Dinner
This is great. I agree with Adam that you were able to pack so much into such a small piece.
The dialog is just right. None of those unnecessary he said/she said tags or adverbs. I enjoy reading dialog that’s simple & straightforward. It really works with the feel of the story.
My favorite line: “Danny DeVito lookin’ son of a bitch.”
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Love how you can take a basic premise and say so much with its brevity. Awesomeness.
Adam B @revhappiness
Adam Byatt´s last [type] ..Scar Tissue