How To Win Friends And Influence People

I finished reading How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie today. Sitting at the lake at Fort Yargo State Park today during my lunch break, I finished up the last six chapters of this book. I spend three days a week at the park during my lunch break to partake in the peace and quiet and solitude as well as a little reading or fishing; angling for the non layperson.
Originally published in 1936, my particular paperback copy was published in 1965 and was owned by my grandmother’s second husband. I hear he was a great man and I think this book had a lot to do with it. He unfortunately passed away before I was born, as did my paternal grandfather. I would have loved to have known them both.
This is truly a great book, everyone should read it. I am saddened though that I didn’t discover this book earlier on in life as I have learned a lot from it. I started applying its principles over the past couple of weeks and have found that they actually do work.
I’m too lazy to open my own and type it all by hand, so I’m electing to take the cheap way out and copy/paste it from Wikipedia.

Fundamental Techniques in Handling People
“Don’t criticize, condemn or complain.”
“Give honest and sincere appreciation.”
“Arouse in the other person an eager want.”

This is where I find the most fault in myself. I am very quick to criticize and condemn and I never take the time to let people know I appreciate them. I applied this principle once during my reading and found that it steered a situation back the way I wanted it to go. I really need to work on this more in the future.

Six Ways to Make People Like You
“Become genuinely interested in other people.”
“Smile.”
“Remember that a man’s name is to him the sweetest and most important sound in any language.”
“Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.”
“Talk in the terms of the other man’s interest.”
“Make the other person feel important and do it sincerely.”

I applied this one just last week on several people and much to my surprise, it yielded me many smiles. One case in particular was the new waitress at Loco’s here in town. I decided to be my most unusual self that day and smiled when she took my order, when she refilled my water, and whenever I caught her checking out my table to see if I was low on anything. When she brought me my check, I asked “What’s your name anyway?” with a smile. She stared at me blankly as if I had just asked her to reveal her innermost secrets. All of a sudden, that blank stare transformed into a blanket of a smile and she replied with “I’m Dana, nice to meet you!” and shook my hand.
I’ve also started to say peoples’ names when I see them. It brings me smiles and good conversation.
I’ve always been good at the listening part, so I don’t need any work there. Everything else though, I do. It’s working, that makes me happy, so I will continue to do it.

Twelve Ways to Win People to Your Way of Thinking
“Avoid arguments.”
“Show respect for the other person’s opinions. Never tell someone they are wrong.”
“If you’re wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.”
“Begin in a friendly way.”
“Start with questions the other person will answer yes to.”
“Let the other person do the talking.”
“Let the other person feel the idea is his/hers.”
“Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view.”
“Sympathize with the other person.”
“Appeal to noble motives.”
“Dramatize your ideas.”
“Throw down a challenge.”

In the past, I’ve done exactly the opposite of everything above. I’m waiting for the opportunity for something to arise so I can try these principles out.

Nine Ways to Change People Without Giving Offense or Arousing Resentment
“Begin with praise and honest appreciation.”
“Call attention to other people’s mistakes indirectly.”
“Talk about your own mistakes first.”
“Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.”
“Let the other person save face.”
“Praise every improvement.”
“Give them a fine reputation to live up to.”
“Encourage them by making their faults seem easy to correct.”
“Make the other person happy about doing what you suggest.”

I’ve always been good at this, especially over the past seven years of my life. I learned these principles from an ex employer whose first reaction to any situation was to do precisely the opposite of all nine of these points. The result? Two-faced employees and the total burnout of Yours Truly. There is a good point to this though. I learned all of these points from him without him ever knowing he was teaching me and I never knowing I was learning them.

When I am able to get my company running full time and am able to hire employees, I’m seriously considering making this book a mandatory reading assignment after their hire date. There’s not a man I know who wouldn’t do well to read this book.

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